Aug / 07

Launching a Business and Finding Support as a Single Parent With Brooke Bove [IEP 040]

IEPcontent Podcast 0

Launching a new business is tough. Launching a new business while balancing single parenthood is certainly a challenge. It’s one that our guest is taking on and succeeding! Joining us today is Brooke Bove, a solo practitioner who left her position at a litigation firm to launch her own law practice, Bove Law Group. Along with building her business, Brooke is a single mom who is focused on growing a successful career as well as cultivating a fulfilling family life.

Be sure to Save the Date for our upcoming Panel discussion and Silent Auction on Building the Bridge Between School, Learning, and Mental Health set for Sept. 13th, 2018 at 5:30pm Costa Mesa, CA. More on this soon!

Full show transcript at the bottom of this post. 

What We Discuss in This Episode

  • Brooke shares her journey from being pregnant as a new lawyer to leaving her litigation associate position to launch her own practice
  • How going through a divorce forced Brooke to reevaluate what she wanted from her own career
  • Why it was important to find a position as a lawyer that felt more aligned with her comfort level and her skills
  • How opening her own practice allowed her to create flexibility in her schedule
  • The role Facebook support Groups have played in Brooke’s ability to network and grow as a person
  • How single parenthood affects the IEP journey for a child
  • The importance of finding like-minded support groups either online or in person

Contact Information:

Bove Law Group website

Be sure to check out our new private Facebook Group, where we’re continuing the conversation we’ve started in this episode.

Thank you for listening!

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This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not to be construed as legal advice specific to your circumstances. If you need help with any legal matters, be sure to consult with an attorney regarding your specific needs.

Full Show Transcript

Vickie Brett:                      Welcome to the inclusive education project I’m Vickie Brett.

Amanda Selogie:              I’m Amanda Selogie. Were two civil rights lawyers on a mission to change the conversation about education, civil rights and modern activism.

Vickie Brett:                      Each week we’re going to explore new topics which are going to educate and empower others.

Amanda Selogie:              And give them a platform to enact change in education and level the playing field.

Vickie Brett:                      I still don’t know how to turn this on, because now I have the authority to do so, because you’ve taken a snippet, summer has changed you.

Amanda Selogie:              We’re all-

Vickie Brett:                      You’re like mellow.

Amanda Selogie:              … Look I’m going to have some wine in [crosstalk 00:00:48].

Vickie Brett:                      Look, listen-

Amanda Selogie:              I am going to wine tasting in [inaudible 00:00:49].

Vickie Brett:                      Oh, yeah I forgot, I forgot. So you’re already in that wine mood, summer days.

Amanda Selogie:              I am already in … I almost said it’s 3 o’clock on a Friday, it’s not 3:00. I had a very long [inaudible 00:00:57] and I-

Vickie Brett:                      It’s now you’ve-

Amanda Selogie:              Our guest came in and I just fell in shambles, didn’t have my shoes on, my hair is a mess, I don’t know what’s going on today.

Vickie Brett:                      Today’s our Friday and you’re going wine tasting tomorrow, so that’s where you’re at.

Amanda Selogie:              No, but not checked out from you guys or listener.

Vickie Brett:                      I hope not.

Amanda Selogie:              I am free right now.

Vickie Brett:                      Oh geez, you already went off script, give people exciting news about an event we have got going on.

Amanda Selogie:              We do have some very exciting news, along with … Are we naming the organizations?

Vickie Brett:                      Yeah.

Amanda Selogie:              Okay. Along with the Apprentice school [Ustion 00:01:31] Academy and the Johnson Academy. We are going to be putting on an expert panel event on September, 13, it’s building bridges between school, learning challenges and mental health.

Vickie Brett:                      Yeah, I don’t know if it building. I just thought it was just bridges-

Amanda Selogie:              No, building bridges.

Vickie Brett:                      … is it building bridges. Okay. I thought [crosstalk 00:01:52].

Amanda Selogie:              Yeah, yeah. So essentially we’re going to have a panel of experts-

Vickie Brett:                      Bridges of-

Amanda Selogie:              … and the silent auction. So the panel of experts will talk about the connection and link between learning challenges, trouble in school and mental health, what we can do about it. We’re always talking about changing the conversation. So this is going to be an excellent opportunity-

Vickie Brett:                      So save the date.

Amanda Selogie:              … so save the date, September 13th-

Vickie Brett:                      5:30.

Amanda Selogie:              It’s 5:30, it’s going to be in Costa Mesa we’re-

Vickie Brett:                      I was going to say, we’re going to roll out the detail.

Amanda Selogie:              Please take a look at our Facebook group and Facebook page, we’re going to start rolling out, so save the dates and we’ll be teaching how you can register. If you are an organization and you be interested in sponsoring, please send us an email and all that information will be on our Facebook group. But we’re really excited for the event. And stay tuned for more information.

Vickie Brett:                      Yeah, and if you haven’t already joined our private Facebook group, you can just go to www.facebook.com/groups/ieppodcasts. That is the private group that we … I mean, you don’t have to be a listener of the podcast. But it’d be helpful, because we follow up on certain topics, we get conversation started. I know Amanda, you just recently posted something on there.

Amanda Selogie:              Yeah, so one of the things we’re trying to do with the group is kind of piggybacking on what we do on the podcast. So we give you our opinions, and we get the opinions of our experts that come in, and our guests to the pod. But we want to get you involved as well, I know that we have a number of parents, we have educators, some administrators and we’re really … and some therapist.

We’re really interested in having that conversation with you, and having you have that conversation with each other. And so we’re going to be discussing things on the pod that are going to relate to things we’re doing in the group, and vice versa.

There’s an article that I posted on the group yesterday, go check it out. It’s about teachers unions. This is something that Vicki and I have talked about having teachers in our family and friends that are teachers and something that we really want to have a conversation about teachers unions, and there’s the recent article talks about a new event with that.

But what we’d like is, we’d like your feedback on this before we start talking about it, because Vicki and I are not a part of a teacher’s union, because we are not teachers. We want to be able to get your feedback before we have a pod episode on it.

So go check out the post. Please comment, please give us some information. If you know anyone that might be really good to provide information, invite them to the group, we’d love to have them.

Vickie Brett:                      I don’t know, I was going to go with that, because I was just thinking about our guests sitting here as we rant on and on, have very special episode today if they’re all special, but this one’s extra special. We have a Brooke Bove here from Bove Law Group. She’s going to tell you a little bit about what she does.

But the reason why we wanted to have her on, was because she is a boss babe, who started her own law firm almost a year ago. And as a single mom, that had a lot to do with it. But let me give it over to Brooke. Hi, Brooke. Thanks for coming on.

Brooke Bove:                    Thanks so much for having me. I’m really happy to be here. And for your support. You guys have been a really big inspiration to me in my journey of going out on my own. So I’m really grateful for your friendship as well. And for your guidance.

Vickie Brett:                      Thank you.

Amanda Selogie:              Oh, you making me cry right now.

Vickie Brett:                      Thanks.

Brooke Bove:                    We appreciate your friendship too and collaboration. It’s always good to have good people that you can really commiserate with sometimes.

Amanda Selogie:              And celebrate with.

Brooke Bove:                    Well, that’s very true. One of the things about leaving litigation practice the law firm life to start my own practice is that now I’m very solitary a lot. I’m not around people. And the nature of my work is a writer. I write a lot of appeals. I do law and motion work for attorneys, but mostly I do appeals.

And that’s just really solitary. It’s in libraries a lot. And it’s in my little office a lot. And I’m alone. And so it’s really nice to have people that I can see regularly, that I can talk with, that I can call.

Vickie Brett:                      Get lunch.

Brooke Bove:                    Right, because you don’t have that person like in the office down the hall that you could just run down and chat with anymore.

Vickie Brett:                      Right. Right. So it’s almost been a year?

Brooke Bove:                    It’s been over a year, June 1st last year was when-

Vickie Brett:                      Oh, my gosh.

Amanda Selogie:              Congrats.

Brooke Bove:                    Yeah. Yeah. And I haven’t been evicted, or lost my car yet. So I feel like I am winning.

Vickie Brett:                      Amazing. And I mean, as a single parent, right? So you have a daughter?

Brooke Bove:                    I do. And she’s-

Vickie Brett:                      And she is five.

Brooke Bove:                    She’s five.

Vickie Brett:                      Oh, my gosh. I can’t believe that.

Brooke Bove:                    She just lost her third tooth the other day.

Vickie Brett:                      I saw that. She’s a little negotiator too. And so we were talking about role models, right? Like, is you negotiating, being a boss lady, I’m sure and it just rubbed off on her.

Brooke Bove:                    Sure. I’ll take credit for.

Vickie Brett:                      Take it. Take it, seriously.

Brooke Bove:                    She’s doesn’t get all her stubbornness from me. But most of it, yeah.

Vickie Brett:                      So what made you take that that leap into solo practice?

Brooke Bove:                    So, Well, I mean, it was organic. It wasn’t a thing that I planned for a long time. But it was something that’s been building. So when you go … when I went to law school, I knew I wanted to be a litigator. I was a paralegal in litigation firms before law school.

And so I knew I was going to be a litigator. I wanted to represent injured people, I wanted to help them and I wanted to help fight the man … the big insurance companies and those corporations. That are always kind of stripping our freedoms and our ability to recover when something bad happens to us, away from us.

So that’s where I wanted to go. And when you do something like that, there’s a path laid out for you, you have to join a firm, it’s really difficult … It’s almost impossible to start out as a litigator on your own, because A, you don’t really know what you’re doing and B it costs a lot of money to be that kind of attorney because you’re on contingency fee. So you’re going to be having a case for two or three years-

Vickie Brett:                      It’s a certain track, and there’s a certain way to do it.

Brooke Bove:                    Right. So unless you have a lot of money in your pocket, when you’re starting out, or a lot of business capital like you just can’t do it. So you have to start out usually working at a firm. And so that’s what I did. I got pregnant pretty soon after I became a lawyer.

And I thought to myself, well, this isn’t exactly what I planned. But that’s okay. I’m going to roll the punches. And I’m not going to be one of those moms that that quits her job, or is like, “Well, now I’m just going to work part-time,” or because this is really important to me, I’m going to do this. This is my job, this-

Vickie Brett:                      You went to law school.

Brooke Bove:                    This is my calling.

Vickie Brett:                      You wracked up this debt.

Amanda Selogie:              You want set an example of being able to be supermom, right?

Brooke Bove:                    Sure.

Amanda Selogie:              That’s the idea.

Brooke Bove:                    Sure. I can do it all. Listen, I went to law school. I can have a kid and a job at the same time. Lots of people do that, right? But as time goes on, and your priorities change, and you work another 80 hour week, and you miss one more field trip and you miss things like that, your priorities start changing.

And I stopped caring what people in the legal community might think of me, like my peers. What those other attorneys might think about me, because I always just … That was kind of my reason is, I didn’t want other attorneys to think that I wasn’t as good of an attorney because I wasn’t full time or I wasn’t putting in the hours I wasn’t …

I stopped caring as much about that and caring more about what I was personally missing out on. And what my daughter was missing out on by not having me around as much.

Vickie Brett:                      Yeah, it’s that just women get that double standard, right? It’s like, you’re supposed to be the boss, babe. And then you’re supposed to work 120 hours a week, and then go home and have dinner ready for the husband, for the kids and looking like a Kardashian or whatever.

It’s just [inaudible 00:09:02], right? It’s, it’s the Marilyn Monroe versus Jackie O. Right? Which has been embroiled into our minds. And as attorneys we feel that a lot. And so I heard … So your priorities just shifted, it was just that type of track that you were on. And most notably, like the law firm that you were at, it just … you couldn’t sustain it, both.

Brooke Bove:                    True. And also, my career priorities changed, because after five or six years in litigation, I was worn out and I also started doing a lot … So this also goes back to, I got divorced. My daughter was only one, when we physically separated. So that was also a big deal, like that was also made it much harder to do everything.

But through the divorce. I did a lot of therapy, a lot of self evaluation. And I just kind of got to this point where I was like, what? Why do I want to be a litigator? What do I love about it? What do I not like about it? And I wrote a list. And it was, like, all the fun things about being a litigator and all the things I hate.

And it was pretty even on each side. But then I was like, “How can I make my career priorities fit or my career fit in with the stuff that I like, and try to shed the things that I don’t like.” And that’s when I started thinking about starting my own practice.

Amanda Selogie:              And that’s important. I think that not enough people do that. I think a lot of people kind of get stuck in, “Well, I don’t like these things about my life. I don’t like these things about my job. But that’s part of life, and that’s part of my job.”

And I think one thing that Vicki and I found in doing the same thing, and starting our own thing is that, it actually doesn’t have to be like that. You can have the majority of what you enjoy, you don’t have to be stuck with, because maybe if there’s … even though things that you like or good doesn’t mean that the rest of it is …

I’m not saying that life has to be perfect, or that you’re going to get everything to work. But at the end of the day, like there is the ability to make things better. And you can have a life and a career that has more good things. You just have to sometimes think outside the box.

Brooke Bove:                    Exactly. So I like writing. I like research. I like the academics of the law. I’m better at expressing myself in writing than I am in person. And so those things, taking a deposition. I don’t love that confrontation. And I don’t love that trial. The thing at this same thing when you’re at trial, you just have to …

I’m not comfortable being that lawyer that’s like, “Well, isn’t it true that,” trying to catch people in lies or whatever. That stuff’s important. And I understand its role in litigation. And I actually really love watching other people do it. But I know that I’m not comfortable doing it.

And so how do I maintain that ability to work on high level cases and cases that are going to be groundbreaking and things that are actually going to affect people’s ability to practice law and affect things larger scale and do important work, but only do the writing stuff. And that’s kind of where the appellate practice came in.

Amanda Selogie:              Yeah, as you’re sitting there, listening to things that you like, and don’t like about being a lawyer, I feel like you and I, together would make a super lawyer because I’m the complete opposite. I feel like. I don’t like the writing and the research as much, I’m fine with … I think I express myself better verbally than I do in my writing. So if we were one person.

Brooke Bove:                    I know. I know that would be … But that’s the thing is, everybody has their strengths and things. And the more people-

Amanda Selogie:              You don’t have to be perfect at it at all.

Brooke Bove:                    … Exactly. And the more people that I talked to, and work with us on my own, the more I’m finding that out. The people that I’m going to end up working with are the people like you, Amanda. Who are a stronger personality in person, and who are more comfortable with a confrontation or are more organizationally set.

So where they can manage a whole case, they can see big picture, and I tend to get like, tunnel vision, unlike focused on an issue. And I’d like want to go down rabbit holes of research. And that doesn’t really always lend itself well to like managing a big case load or something like that, so.

Vickie Brett:                      Yeah, and I mean, I think you gave it a heck of a run with like, improving your litigation skills, and your … I’m sure the time that you spent doing all of that help and reflects in your writing because it’s easier for you to like, look through transcript.

Because appeals is all about, you’re getting everything that happened prior, and just reviewing it all. And then seeing where you can … not necessarily the loopholes, but where you can use the law to say, “Oh, okay, well, this is what happened during this and da, da, da.”

Brooke Bove:                    Sure.

Vickie Brett:                      And if you didn’t have that experience, and you wouldn’t have been able to have that show in your writing more.

Brooke Bove:                    Right. It gives me an insight that I wouldn’t have if I didn’t have the litigation experience.

Amanda Selogie:              And so you’re trying to rebuild your … or not rebuild, like build your practice to where you serve a purpose for attorneys that need someone to perfect that area. And you’re serving as almost a support system for that specific need, which you found what you’re great at.

And in the terms of law, and I think just with, kids, we often go to the big picture of, you have to be a doctor or lawyer or teacher, right? We don’t think about those niche professions. We don’t think about, there’s so many things that kids can do, but you have to figure out what they’re good at.

And I think that I think kind of exactly what you found, is that when you think of being an attorney, usually, and in school, we have classes that’s transactional, or litigation, there’s no either, or. And we find our practices, not categories in either.

Because we technically could be litigation, but we’re not actually in court. But we do a lot of negotiation. So it’s not like … it’s doesn’t fit that picture, perfect mold of what an attorney is.

And I think that’s similar to what you’ve kind of found, which is, it’s great that you’re finding that and you’re restructuring the way your career is, because that’s important. I think that’s how you make yourself happier in what you’re doing.

Brooke Bove:                    That’s true. And because now I’m on my own, I get to make my own schedule. So now, if my daughter’s school is closed for a day, no big deal, I can hang out with her during the day, I can work during her nap time I can … that’s planned ahead.

I can work late at night, one night and it can be flexible like that. If she’s got a field trip, or if she gets sick and has to come home from school. It’s not devastating to me, I don’t have deposition that I have to reschedule or things like that. I just have to rearrange my work.

Vickie Brett:                      Well, it’s also like the people in the office, right? You don’t want to let them down. You’re part of a team and you’re like, “My kid is sick.” And if you would just verbalize that. I’m sure more than a majority of them would be like, go. But if you guys have a big deadline, just kind of, can somebody else handle that? So I’m sure that that took a toll on you.

Brooke Bove:                    Exactly.

Vickie Brett:                      Yeah, because you are like a good team member over at your prior firm. And I know you were there for a lot of people, so I’m sure they miss you.

Brooke Bove:                    Well, yeah, and I do miss them. I actually still work with them pretty often. I technically, I’m of counsel. So at that firm-

Vickie Brett:                      Oh, nice.

Brooke Bove:                    I’m hardly ever actually in the office. But I do get projects from them pretty regularly. In fact, one appeal that I’m working on right now is for them. And so it’s … I was able to maintain that relationship and those friendships. But yeah, I’m not there on a daily basis. And I’m not someone they can … that’s there to fill in, or to do stuff like that for them in office.

But yeah, so I do miss that camaraderie a lot, because I really do like all those people. But this is just so much better for me and for my daughter, which is the most important thing.

Vickie Brett:                      And I feel like even that just, you know, what happened in your life for you to make these changes. But your attitude, just obviously, you’re shifting priorities. And then just being a good role model for you daughter. I’m sure we’re all things that helped you reach that decision, because it’s a big leap to just leave it all behind, and then start your own thing.

Brooke Bove:                    It is somebody said to me recently, they would never have done that I did, because it takes away the security for their child. And I can see that. But I also see that … I also, I guess I just have more of a risk taking kind of personality. I feel like, what’s the worst thing that happens is, I have to go get a job at a firm again.

Vickie Brett:                      Right? One is they’re also the security of you doing this, there is security in that, in the sense that if you are more satisfied and happier in the work that you’re doing, you’re more satisfied and happier in your life. You’re not only a better role model for your daughter, but you’re able to be there as a better mother for your daughter, too. So that kind of security, that’s not financial, but it’s important too.

Brooke Bove:                    Right. But there is also I mean, the first couple years are always going to be Rocky. But there is … that’s in my control, that everything that I need to do to make money to provide for my daughter is in my control. It just comes down to am I willing to do the work?

If you work for a large corporation, you get a salary, and that’s great. But you don’t have control over what’s happening at that company. You don’t know if you’re going to get laid off.

Vickie Brett:                      Yeah, exactly.

Brooke Bove:                    You don’t know the economy’s going to … What’s going to happen.

Vickie Brett:                      True, yeah.

Brooke Bove:                    You just never know what’s going to happen and so now it’s in my control. Again the worst … I don’t want my daughter to be afraid to take risks. I don’t want to her to be afraid of things or feel limited or feel held down. And I guess I don’t really feel like my job was holding me down. But I felt like that career … that traditional career path was holding me down, so.

Vickie Brett:                      Right, because it was one track, it was like you couldn’t be flexible in changing that. Or even being able to like, “Hey, I have an idea. Why don’t we do this,” because it’s just like, “No, we’ve always done it this way. This is a track you’re on, stay on this track, stay in your lane, essentially.” But now you have that flexibility.

Brooke Bove:                    It’s true. And then a wonderful thing has happened since then, too, because I’ve been more involved with her at school. I’ve made friends with a lot of the moms there. And my social and my professional network has expanded a lot based on it. I feel really blessed, like I missed that core group of people in office every day. But I also feel like I’ve gained so much more in return.

Amanda Selogie:              And you said that you had joined a Facebook group, right?

Brooke Bove:                    Yeah.

Amanda Selogie:              And you had a lot of benefit from that.

Brooke Bove:                    Well, yeah, when you’re a single mom, and you don’t have someone at home to talk to or to say, “Hey, I noticed my daughter was exhibiting this behavior or shoot, this was happening to her. And what do you think about it,” you don’t have a person there to bounce ideas off of. So who are you going to turn to. And you could call your mom. But your mom’s going to give you a specific kind of advice-

Vickie Brett:                      Right. From 30 years ago.

Brooke Bove:                    And it’s not terrible advice. But it’s not … She’s not experiencing it now. And she’s basing it off of memories, or whatever. And so you could call your sister, but it’s better to have a group of moms who are collective group, who can provide advice from all different viewpoints and everything.

This is a private Facebook group, which is I feel like the best thing about Facebook now, is those private private groups. And kind of like your private Facebook group. It’s one of the best ways to use Facebook right now. In fact, I hardly ever just go through my own feed. I just go to Facebook and I check out my groups.

Vickie Brett:                      To them.

Brooke Bove:                    And then that’s it. And this group of moms, it’s about 50 women from all over the country. And we’re all moms and we’re all single moms. And we’re all attorneys.

Vickie Brett:                      Wow.

Brooke Bove:                    And so it’s very specific. And we all have a very specific thing in common, but we also are all very different. A lot of people have way worse situations with their exes than I do. Some people have lost their husbands to death. And so it’s not always about divorce.

But we are all still struggling to make a life for our kids and be attorneys and be the best that we can be all day, every day. And that’s the most important thing.

Vickie Brett:                      And we see a lot parents that join these groups. And it completely changes their mentalities. Like a big one a lot of my clients are in … there’s local ones, too based on specific cities, but for dyslexia. And Amanda and I follow, you know, several, autism specific groups.

And I even had a client and I can’t even remember the type of syndrome that her child had, but it’s just like 500 cases, throughout the nation, but she had found a Facebook group. And so I remember her telling me like, “Oh, some of the other moms,” Emily, just to make up the name. “She’s four years old, and she’s already riding a tricycle. And some of these moms are saying, their kids never learn that.”

So then it’s easy for them to be like, “Oh, well, I gave her that early intervention, and I can already see it,” Or those parents are saying, “My kid is 12 now. And you have to get speech and language going when they’re two and a half years old.

Like just things that parents wouldn’t otherwise know, is what we find those groups as, a great resource for a lot of parents, especially to just bounce off ideas, even if they are intact, even if they are married. Because for us, a lot of our clients, there is a high rate of divorce.

And I used to do family line, we have a lot of crossover able to give them referrals if they are in that situation. But we do see that a lot with our clients were-

Brooke Bove:                    Really?

Vickie Brett:                      … they hit that wall sometimes. And it could be several other reasons doesn’t necessarily have to mean because of the child with special needs. There’s so many reasons to get divorce. But we see that a lot.

Amanda Selogie:              Yeah, I mean, I think we see … I mean, it takes a village, first of all, but then it’s a lot of our kiddos, there’s a lot going on. And where we try to fit in is most of these parents are struggling with stuff that’s going on at home. But then the IEP process, and all the special education, it’s like so much.

And if they have to navigate that process, and they’re constantly fighting, it’s exhausting. I mean, it’s exhausting and mentally draining for them. And then they’re dealing with it on their own. And a lot of times it’s one parent that’s doing the majority of the IEP work.

And then, sometimes it becomes, they get tunnel vision on that, because it’s so important. And then sometimes it affects the other kids in the household. And it affects the spouse and we see that a lot.

And one thing that like I have seen so many times is like a parent will go through something like that, and almost like think that they’re alone or think that their situation doesn’t apply to someone else. And so oftentimes we hear …

And I tell parents all the time I go, “I don’t know how much comfort this is going to give, it may not give you any, but you’re not alone and I’ve seen this situation.” And that’s where I think you’re right, these Facebook groups are such a great resource because it allows people …

Because in your small community of your neighborhood, where you live, or the school your kid goes to, you may not find another friends, you may not find another single mom who’s an attorney at that school. So location wise, because we have technology like yeah, there’s so many things about technology that are starting to get overwhelming and bad about security and stuff.

But we should be using technology to our advantage, to be able to find people who are in similar situation, because … and I know we did therapy corner before and some people, Tia I am talking to you. We mentioned you said you like therapy corner.

One thing that I really do want to mention for all our listeners. It’s like you’re not alone. And as much as we can provide support we try to. But there’s nothing like finding other people who are in your exact situation. We can empathize and we can be there for you. But we’re not in your exact situation. So finding a parent group that really fits I think, whether it’s in person or on Facebook, like can be such a great tool.

Brooke Bove:                    I agree. And it’s good to get a collective group of voices coming out you. And so some person’s going to say, this worked for me. And this didn’t work for me. And another person’s going to say, well, this worked for me, but it didn’t work for you, apparently.

But it gives you ideas. And then you can take those ideas, and you know, how it’s best for your kiddo or what’s best for you and your situation. And you could take all that and apply it in a way that makes sense to you. But the other thing I was going to say is that we can’t be afraid to talk about our problems.

Because we’re all shy. And we’re, you know, we don’t want to be embarrassed, or we don’t want to admit that we’re lost. Or we don’t want to admit that we don’t know what we’re doing. Or we’re confused.

Vickie Brett:                      Or that we when we need help.

Brooke Bove:                    Or that we need help. Yeah, that’s the thing that hurts us the most, as a single moms, as attorneys, as whatever you are. If you are willing to kind of lower that wall and just kind of say, “Look, I am struggling here, help me or tell me something that worked for you.”

Or if you just put it out there, I promise you, it’s all going to come back. And other moms are going to be like, “Oh, I’m so glad that you spoke up and said something because I was feeling the same thing. But I was embarrassed.” And so somebody has to be the brave person to start the conversation going.

And once the conversation is going, that’s when the healing and that’s when the help really starts to kick in. Those Facebook groups are good for that. And the small, you don’t want to just be two or three people. But sometimes there’s Facebook … there’s a group for mom attorneys, and it’s nationwide. And it’s got 10,000 people in.

Amanda Selogie:              Oh, wow.

Brooke Bove:                    That’s not-

Amanda Selogie:              That’s overwhelming, yeah.

Brooke Bove:                    That’s not really a helpful group. It’s good for broad picture stuff. But it’s not good for like those … So you need a little bit more narrow group. But yeah, you can find them. And it’s really a good freeing place to put yourself out there. And it’s a place to feel safe putting yourself out there because nobody’s like, looking at you. Or you can type while you’re crying and nobody knows.

Amanda Selogie:              Yeah, I get the idea.

Brooke Bove:                    It’s, okay. And you’re always just going to get … of course, there’s going to be people who are not nice, but whatever. Again, you just have to take what’s good for you and leave what else.

Vickie Brett:                      And leave what else, yeah, yeah.

Amanda Selogie:              Yeah, yeah absolutely.

Vickie Brett:                      I love that. We’ve talked, I know [crosstalk 00:25:30] one thing we often ask guests, is to just put them on the spot a little bit. And this can relate to work or something with your daughter.

Just something good that you’ve experienced, either in a case that you tried, or any of the cases that you’ve had this last year as a solo, or just even something fun about your daughter, because you have the funniest Facebook statuses about her, just like-

Amanda Selogie:              You really do.

Brooke Bove:                    Well she-

Vickie Brett:                      A little negotiator.

Brooke Bove:                    She’s very smart. I mean, every mom thinks they daughters are smartest. She is very smart. She surprises me all the time with the vocabulary she knows. She started to ask me a lot lately, what words mean. So she’s really thinking about it.

And one thing I noticed early on was that she was, like if she was saying something, and she knew she wasn’t saying it quite right. She would stop and practice several times until she got it right. Until she said the word correctly.

Vickie Brett:                      Oh, wow.

Brooke Bove:                    And I thought that was really interesting. She was kind of a perfectionist. And you worry about, well, should I make her be less worried about things, I don’t know. But I think the most important thing is just to … I have a million of stories of hers, of course I post-

Vickie Brett:                      Yeah, that’s the problem.

Brooke Bove:                    Yeah, that’s the problem. So I don’t really know one to pick, except that I get … She’s with her dad half the time. So we have 50/50 custody. So those times when she’s with me. I just really have to focus on that’s my time with her. And she is going to start kindergarten in the fall. And-

Vickie Brett:                      I know.

Amanda Selogie:              That’s so crazy.

Brooke Bove:                    … And I cannot believe she’s five. I just want to hug her all the time.

Vickie Brett:                      I know, she’s just a miniature person, so funny.

Brooke Bove:                    Yeah, she’s great. She has made my life so much better than I thought it could be. That is not an easy thing for me to say, because I had a pretty good life. I also I wasn’t ready when I got pregnant, it wasn’t planned. And I wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out or how I was going to be as a mom, I don’t think I had that thing where I mean, I was excited for her and happy to have her and everything.

But like I was floating around and not real focus that first year. And it was because my marriage was falling apart, separate from her and I was postpartum. And I was … and so to feel now where like, this is the one thing that’s in my life that’s good and centered, and is actually my real priority. And all the time it’s a blessing. And I feel really lucky.

Vickie Brett:                      You’re such a great mom.

Brooke Bove:                    I don’t know-

Vickie Brett:                      But it’s nice to hear that, right? And like you were saying, to share that. And I’m sure 90% of women felt that same exact way. But nobody talks about it.  Everybody’s just posting the highlights.

Brooke Bove:                    I had to fall in love with her. And I have fallen in love with her. And-

Vickie Brett:                      Ooh, that’s so cute.

Brooke Bove:                    But also she is just so fun. And I like having fun, so.

Vickie Brett:                      And I like having fun, so. So do we.

Brooke Bove:                    Oh, my gosh.

Vickie Brett:                      Yay. Well, thank you so much, Brooke, for being so open.

Brooke Bove:                    Thanks for having me.

Vickie Brett:                      And for being on our podcast. We really appreciate it. I guess we will end with reminding you guys that we will have an event on September 13th. It’s a Thursday so just save the date for now. We will be spilling the details as the episodes come out. And obviously through our social media. So hopefully you guys will come and take part in, not only the silent auction component, but the great panel of speakers that we’ll have.

Amanda Selogie:              Yeah, and-

Vickie Brett:                      Bye.

Amanda Selogie:              … I was like I don’t have anything else to add to that other than we will talk to you next week.

Vickie Brett:                      Bye.

Amanda Selogie:              Bye.

 

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